Dear Caring Parent,
My last letter to you was on using visualization as a tool for energizing your parenting. Part of visualizing is using and feeling the statements going across your brain; and we want them to be constructive, life enhancing, hence affirmative! We all have pretty much learned that we use positive words when doing affirmations. But, we also all have days when we don’t quite feel the power of our affirmations, right? So wouldn’t it be nice if there was more than one way to ‘speak to’ an intention, a wish. Well, there is! I learned it through Natalie Ledwell. It’s actually at once a releasing, calming and energizing process. So here’s my take on it.
Start your affirmation process with the down and dirty. List out all the things you don’t like about the current situation. For instance, I used to struggle with getting my daughter out the door on time in the morning and it would always end in me being annoyed and unpleasant. I wanted to change that so that mornings could be more pleasant. I listed out everything I didn’t like about the current situation:
- I love mornings and this ruins them
- I don’t like having to rush
- I don’t like the guilt I feel because I got so annoyed
- I don’t like being late
Some of my lists are longer than that!
After doing this, I listed why each of these was important:
- I love mornings and this ruins them – mornings are a calm and upbeat time for me, I love the light outside, the sounds of the home in getting-going mode
- I don’t like having to rush – rushing gets me tense and distracted, not to mention unpleasant
- I don’t like the guilt I feel because I got so annoyed – it stays with me during the day and dampens my mood, starts the school day with stress for my daughter
- I don’t like being late – people count on you being there when you said you were going to be there
Next I listed what I’d like (which kinda spilled right out of what is important in the above), and said what was important about each:
- I want calm and upbeat mornings (see how that falls right out of WHY THIS is IMPORTANT TO ME above?) – fuels me, home feeling
- I want to get out the door knowing I have everything with me – more organized, not feeling like I am always scrambling
- School starts without stress from home – it’s a loving start to our day
- Mornings create a grounded feeling for the day – I need to be grounded for all that I do, I think and create best from groundedness
- I am respectful of the time needs of those who need me first thing in the work day – this is just one of the ways I show I respect another
THEN I created 5 types of affirmative statements based on the WHY THIS is IMPORTANT to ME:
- A goal affirmation: 80% of my mornings (I don’t ask for perfection!) are organized for readiness to leave on time
- A thought affirmation (what kinds of thoughts are you thinking): I am grounded by my mornings
- A feeling affirmation (how life feels when what you want is occurring): My love my mornings; they are my fuel
- An action affirmation: I start the day with loving activities
- A ‘why’ affirmation (affirm why this is important to you): I have a loving, homey start to the day with my daughter
Who’d have ever thought getting out of the door in a timely manner invoked so much! But doing this forced me to know more about why I was getting my pants in a bundle over not leaving on time; it was in fact connected to some important values and enjoyments. Which makes sense, as mornings have always been the favorite part of my day! And now, if I don’t relate to the thinking part of it on a particular day, I can just focus on feeling the action or ‘why’ affirmation.
Doing an affirmation process like this gets you into the real deal about what you are trying to change. It is about you, not somebody else. It also gives you the basis of expressing it to your children and partner! And that leads to some new solutions, because you are going to see to that even if they don’t share your enthusiasm, right? They will, at least, have been given an understanding of it.
Depending on how big your frustration is, you could make a mind movie (for the fun of it, below is the one I did one on this challenge), or, post your affirmations somewhere that you’ll see them throughout the day. If the challenge is of huge importance to you, either watch your mind movie twice a day or read your affirmations out loud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror.
My Mornings! from Natasha Solovieff on Vimeo.
And, just to let you know, I’ve had many a wonderful morning with my daughter. At first I realized I needed to just set the clocks a head!! Eventually though, she started being on time, in a relaxed way, herself.
Take care now, Natasha